It's so sad to know that even after knowing each other for years, or should I say, being best friends for years, yet you can't tell whether I'm happy, sad or ambivalent. You said it's unfair, is it, really? I will notice right away if there's something wrong with you. What happened? No, I'm not whining about how miserable life is nor am I seeking attention, because why would I? It's just that I need to let it out, y'know? 'Cause I've got nowhere to run to. & I know that we all have our problems to deal with, so we can't judge. At times you make me sound like the bad guy, which I'm totally okay with, as I'm the fucked up friend that nobody cares, perhaps. But there are times that I just can't keep up with this disguise anymore, & I'll get sick of it eventually.
I apologize for being such a horrible friend and things I've done.
I really need to distance myself from this reality. Even if it's just for a little while.
& I can't wait for the day to get out of this shit hole.
"Don't cry, I know you are trying your hardest." Because if you cry, you are losing the battle. Plus, tears are only for the people you truly love. And people change, nothing stays the same. You need to accept this fact, you can't, not accept it. Because if you do, things will be a lot easier. And I'm sorry for what I've done.
My dad just told me about his life, how he got through all these shit, how he grew up and stuff. "It was tough," he smiled, "but it was definitely worth it." He was so poor then, waking up at 3 o'clock in the morning just to help his parents to tapping with his brothers. Sometimes, they would catch some squirrels to earn some money. Yes, you heard that right, squirrels. And guess what, one squirrel was just for $2! And also some chickens. He rode motorcycle to get some business done even when it was raining, even if he got soaked.
He went through things I have never imagined. Life was so hard for him, but he managed to deal with it and has become a successful man now. My parents, they had suffered so much just to make sure I live a healthy life. A good life. Although they might be a pain in the ass sometimes, haha, but I know they are just concerned about me. They've come so far without giving up on hopes, and I am going to do the same too. I'm not going to give up on hopes, & I sure as hell am not going to disappoint them. Okay, that's a bit of promising. But I'll try my very hardest not to and make them fucking proud.
I feel like I'm writing an essay, instead of blogging...
So on Friday after school I was just casually scrolling through Facebook, until something caught my eyes.
Please, help this poor guy. Take a minute out of your busy life, and pray for him.
Can't help but to share this with you guys. Eminem is the best honest singer ever. He shares his life with us, in my opinion, and has been through so much but got back up anyway and has been strong ever since.
If this couldn't make you cry, I don't know what could.
Everyone claims themselves are different, but really, are we? We might be going through different shit, but one thing that's for sure. We are all broken in some ways, and all we ever want is to be completely happy again.
In the midst of eating, I thought of one of my primary best friends - Wen Qi. And it struck me that how things has changed so much. Well, no surprise there, 'cause that's the way it is, isn't it? Reminiscing the times we've had during primary school times, I realized she was actually a nice friend. There was shit and yeah, she was always there. We've never been in a fight before, I guess, and that's really a big thing for primary students right? So anyway, I took out my phone, looked for her phone number, all ready to text her, ask her how has she been lately, but then I suppressed the urge to. Funny, isn't it? But hell, I miss us.
So tell me, how does it feel to treat someone like dirt? Does it make you feel superior? Does it satisfy you? Does it feel great? Ah, I bet it does. After all, you think the world is revolving around you.
